you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize