Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
