Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
