so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
