Kiss
Puke
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
