a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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