Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
