Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
