Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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