She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
