Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think pants incapable of making pants work
why is half of my head shaved?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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