Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
