I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
