I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
