I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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