This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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