I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
