At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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