imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
