His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I need water and some morals
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
