turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
