i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
