final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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