So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
