so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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