Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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where are you?
Hypothermia
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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