dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My penis needs a shock collar
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
