My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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