I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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