I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
