Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
