Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
