I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
COCAINE IS GR8
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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