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Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Randomize
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