My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
