We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.