ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.