yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
