so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.