She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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