god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
