Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
