I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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