Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
