never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
