My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
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Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
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I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
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