Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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