Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
