I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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