Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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