Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
