I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
