Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
