I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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