matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
