I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
