We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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