I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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