You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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