I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
And then he peed in my hair
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