I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
