Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
