Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
