The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
