That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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