She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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