i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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