You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
