the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize