I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
