She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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