If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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