Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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