Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
