3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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